~SilverTwilight13

for all who read i am sorry that i have not posted a new update for a while, my life has been crazier then normal. so lets start last weekend omg crazy. laur and i went on a movie mariton and saw in toal for the week nine new movies. (setp up 2, sweeny todd, jumper, vantige point, spiderwick cronicals, penlopy, the other bylon girl, fools gold, and charlie bartlet) crazy right. then we moved in to finals week enough said there. This weekend i was supposed to be going to new york with out school band but that ended up getting move cause norther ohio is supposed to get any where from 12 to 30 inches of snow., cant really drive a bus through that. so another weekend here at home. all well. today is a good day it marks 8 mounths. well monday i might not have to go to school cause i finished all my finals already so that might be cool and all. well not much else to say
love ya all

so do you ever feel like you dont belong in your house like no matter what you do you can seem to get aprovle. well i am having one of thouse years. i can never seem to please anyone in this house and by trying to please them i am not pleaseing myself. i know that i should please myself before other but that is not how i am i want to see others happy beofre i can see myself happy. school was school today so nothing to really say there. but i wish i could leave here. i want to be who i am but i know that i will never be able to do that under this roof. i cant is slowly tearing me aprat. if you have an ideas how to stay in one piece till i get out please let me know.

a normal tired day at skwel. laur came home with me and we got to go and see Step Up 2. but what is diffrent is one person leaves my life tonight, lives my pain, and will not become much better. we have siad goodbye but it is for the better. so goodbye to that person. by the way for anyone reading these i will have my poems up on here as soon as i can but things here at hom house are kinda crazy right now. but not much to say today. just goodbye
to him. it will be a quite night for me for i am the type of person that does not like to let people or things go. so tonight has been hard. i will check back in tomorrow

frist day back to school after break, but of course it sucked. i feel like crap and i dont know how to tell someone to leave me alone with out hurting them a lot, and if you know me then you understand my situation because i can not stand to see people hurt. so please if you have any ideas of how to tell someone to leave you alone with out hurting them let me know. the other problem that i am having right now is i have been working really hard on this yoga project that i am doing but the thing is that i am the only person in my group of 4 that is working hard. why do i always seem to have to do the work??? why do i care as much as i do? i care and will try to help someone even if i shoul dnot care about them to the point where i start to hurt myself. it kills me to see someone hurt but i am killing myself slowly from the pain and guilt that i collect from others. but i can not stop taking thier pain away for when i see them smile for no matter how brife a second i am happy. for the moment things seem woth the pain. so when does careing become hurting and hurting become caring? im just so confused as to why i can not stop caring even when i should hate. i should hate for the pain they caused me but i still care and do not what them to hurt in return. but i bring pain no matter where i turn. so the question becomes is a demon or angel traped inside or some wierd half bried??? all i seem to do is screw up and hurt. i just hurt a person who has been there for me since he met me. so i think it is about time of me to bow my way out.

doing better then yesterday but still not in the best mood. my thinking has been so off latly and it is starting to bother me, but the thing is that i dont know how to get it back to how it should be. but today so far has been filled with homework and nothingness big supirse there for there. i still dont understand the world or what life is. but today i am not so quick to think i want to end it. this i think is for two reasons one because i got to see the most amazing guy last night and the other is i will be leaving to see him any time now. but i do have a question that i would like answered and that would be am i ment to still be here or should i have die that night so long ago t when i tried to die??? that is my question for today. if you have a answer and a reason to suport that answer please please please tell me. got to go johns here to pick me up.